Actually, I'm not fine… blog

Part 10: There is no them vs. us

After reflecting on my past, my upbringing, my relationships, and the lessons I now try to pass on to my child, one truth becomes clear: there is no “versus.” There is no war between men and women, no competition between genders, no hierarchy of struggle. There is only humanity, and the ways we fail and succeed in understanding one another.

For most of my life, I lived in opposition. I was taught to distrust men, to prepare for betrayal, and to prioritize survival above all else. I was also taught that women must endure, adapt, and achieve despite systemic inequities. And somewhere in the middle, I tried to reconcile these conflicting messages, often feeling broken, divided, and lost.

But life, in its messy, unpredictable way, teaches us that understanding is possible. Compassion is possible. Partnership is possible. Advocacy is possible for both men and women. I have learned that supporting men’s mental health, listening to their struggles, and acknowledging their vulnerabilities does not diminish my voice or my worth as a woman. It enriches relationships, strengthens communities, and models empathy for the next generation.

Likewise, advocating for women’s equality, safety, and agency does not dismiss men’s experiences. It creates a more balanced world, one where both genders can grow, heal, and thrive. It means teaching my child that love, respect, and communication are not conditional based on gender, and that everyone’s struggles are valid, even when society fails to recognize them.

Raising a child in this world is both a challenge and a privilege. I want them to witness empathy in action, to see that respect and love are not gendered, and to understand that humans are complex beings, shaped by trauma, society, and personal growth. I want them to know that despite the inherited patterns, despite the mistakes and broken lessons of the past, it is possible to break cycles, embrace vulnerability, and live fully.

Ultimately, my journey has been about more than survival. It has been about learning to live, to love, and to understand. It has been about reclaiming independence without isolation, advocacy without opposition, and care without judgment. It has been about realizing that life is not a contest between genders, but a shared experience that requires listening, empathy, and courage.

Closing Reflection:

What if we stopped framing life as a battle of men versus women, and instead asked how we can truly see each other?

How can we create a world where compassion, understanding, and shared humanity guide our actions: not fear, not mistrust, not old wounds?