Actually, I'm not fine… blog

Part 7: Love, Relationships, and the Myth of “Enough”

Trigger Warning (18+): This post discusses themes of self-worth, unhealthy relationships, and emotional dependency. Intended for adult readers. If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number now.

“Am I enough?”


That question has followed me like a shadow. In friendships, in family, in relationships i confused as romance; it whispered into every argument, every silence, every time someone pulled away.

I thought if I just did more, gave more, proved more, I would finally be worthy of love.

That’s what many of us are taught: love is conditional, and our worth depends on how well we perform.

But here’s the truth I’ve been slowly learning: you don’t earn love by being “enough.” You are already worthy because you exist. The myth of “enough” is just that, a myth.

The lie we’re told about love.

We grow up seeing love portrayed as transactional. Be pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, funny enough, then you’ll be chosen. Be quiet enough, obedient enough, low-maintenance enough, then you’ll be kept.

But love that is real doesn’t ask you to shrink yourself. It doesn’t punish your needs. It doesn’t dangle worthiness like a prize to be won.

What “enough” really feels like

In healthy love, “enough” sounds like:

• “I see you as you are, and I still choose you.”
• “Your flaws don’t scare me away.”
• “You don’t have to earn your place here.”
  It feels like exhaling after holding your breath for too long.

What I’ve had to unlearn:

• Love is not proof of worth. If someone can’t love me well, it says more about their limits than my value.
• Clinging isn’t connection. Staying in toxic relationships to feel validated only deepens the wound.
• Alone doesn’t mean unworthy. Some seasons of solitude are where the deepest healing happens.

Practical steps toward healthier love

• [ ] Check the mirror: When the “not enough” voice shows up, pause and ask, Whose voice is this? Often it isn’t ours, it’s an old echo from childhood, culture, or past relationships.
• [ ] Redefine partnership: Write down what healthy love looks like to you. Use that as a filter for relationships, not other people’s approval.
• [ ] Practice self-partnership: Before looking outward, build inward rituals of care: cooking for yourself, speaking kindly to yourself, even taking yourself on a “date.
• [ ] ”Notice patterns: If you keep finding partners who withhold love, ask yourself: what part of me believes I have to fight for affection? Healing that belief can shift the cycle.

A personal note:

I used to think I had to earn love the way you earn grades or promotions. But the best moments in my life; the ones where I felt truly seen, were never about perfection. They were about honesty. Vulnerability. Showing up raw and still being held.
And if someone couldn’t hold that? Then maybe they weren’t mine to keep.

Reflection prompt: Think of one relationship (past or present) where you’ve felt “not enough.” What specific rule or expectation was tied to that feeling? Write down a new, kinder truth to replace it.

If this post stirs up painful emotions, please don’t sit in them alone.
U.S. Crisis Line: Call or text 988 (24/7).
U.K./Ireland (Samaritans): 116 123.
NEDA Helpline (Eating Disorders, U.S.): 1-800-931-2237 or text NEDA to 741741.
International: Visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention to find crisis resources in your country.