Actually, I'm not fine… blog

Part 8: Breaking Generational Cycles

Trigger Warning (18+): This post discusses family dysfunction, cycles of abuse, and healing from generational trauma. Intended for adult readers. If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.

Sometimes, the hardest truth to face is this: the people who were supposed to protect us were often the ones who hurt us.

And unless we stop to notice, we risk carrying those wounds forward; repeating them with our own children, our partners, or even with ourselves. That’s how generational cycles work: pain passes down, disguised as “tradition” or “discipline” or “that’s just how it’s always been.”

Breaking the cycle is not easy. It’s messy, lonely, and often misunderstood. But it is possible. And it is powerful.

What a generational cycle looks like

• Parents who were abused become parents who abuse.
• Silence around mental health becomes silence for the next generation.
• Patterns of addiction, control, neglect, or manipulation repeat like scripts handed down. The cycle doesn’t mean you’re doomed. It means you inherited someone else’s pain. And you get to choose whether it continues with you.

Why breaking it feels so heavy

• Guilt: You love your family, but you can’t accept their behavior. That tension is exhausting.
• Isolation: You may feel like the “black sheep” for refusing to play along.
• Doubt: When everyone around you normalizes dysfunction, it’s easy to question your own memory or reality.
  These feelings are part of the process. You are not “weak” for struggling with them. You are strong for even noticing them.

How to start breaking the cycle:

• [ ] Name it out loud. Say what happened. Write it down. Stop the silence that keeps it hidden.
• [ ] Seek support. Therapy, peer groups, or safe friendships give perspective and tools. You don’t have to do this alone.
• [ ] Redefine “normal.” Ask yourself: What do I want my child (or my future self) to experience instead? Make that your new baseline.
• [ ] Build boundaries. Sometimes breaking cycles means limiting contact, saying no, or walking away, even from family. That is not betrayal. That is survival.
• [ ] Celebrate small wins. Every time you pause instead of yelling, every time you choose compassion over cruelty, you are rewriting history.

A note for parents (and future parents):

You don’t have to be perfect. Breaking cycles doesn’t mean never messing up. It means being willing to notice, apologize, and repair; things your own parents may have never done.

Even one small change makes a difference. One gentle word instead of a harsh one. One moment of listening instead of dismissing. Those choices matter.

The freedom on the other side…

Breaking the cycle is not about revenge. It’s about freedom.
Freedom for your children, yes, but also for yourself. Freedom to live without the constant weight of inherited pain. Freedom to know you are not destined to repeat what was done to you.
It’s saying: The pain stops here.

Reflection prompt: Write down one painful pattern you grew up with. Then write the opposite; the way you want to handle it differently. Keep that as a compass.

If this brings up heavy emotions, please reach out for support.
U.S. Crisis Line: Call or text 988 (24/7).
U.K./Ireland (Samaritans): 116 123.
NEDA Helpline (Eating Disorders, U.S.): 1-800-931-2237 or text NEDA to 741741.
International: Visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention to find crisis resources in your country.