Actually, I'm not fine… blog

Part 10: Choosing Yourself and Building a New Future

Trigger Warning (18+): This post includes themes of trauma, self-discovery, and empowerment. Intended for adult readers. If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.

After all the struggle, the anger, the loss, and the healing, there comes a point when you realize something simple and terrifying:

You are allowed to choose yourself.

For many of us, growing up in chaos meant always putting someone else first. Our needs were invisible, our feelings minimized, and our voices dismissed. But adulthood gives you a new tool: choice. You can choose what you allow into your life. You can choose how you treat yourself. You can choose the story you live.

Choosing yourself isn’t selfish

It feels selfish at first. It feels like stepping out of your role: the child who had to survive, the partner who had to accommodate, the parent who had to sacrifice endlessly.

But choosing yourself is survival. Choosing yourself is love. Choosing yourself is a radical act of courage.

How to start choosing yourself:

• [ ] Set boundaries. Decide who you allow into your life and what behavior you’ll accept. Boundaries are not punishment; they are protection.
• [ ] Prioritize your needs. Even small acts: a walk alone, quiet time, a hobby; send your inner child the message: you matter.
• [ ] Celebrate progress. Healing isn’t linear. Every small step forward deserves acknowledgment.
• [ ] Release guilt. Choosing yourself doesn’t make you unloving; it makes you human.
• [ ] Dream boldly. Allow yourself to envision a future that wasn’t handed to you, one that you create.

Building a future on your own terms.

This is where freedom meets action. You’ve survived patterns that were never meant to be yours. You’ve learned to love yourself in ways others never could. Now, you get to design the life you want:

• Work that aligns with your values.
• Relationships that nurture and respect you.
• Daily rituals that anchor and uplift you.
• Spaces where you can breathe, grow, and thrive.
  This is your permission slip: You get to exist fully, without apology.

A final note to my readers:

If you’ve followed this series, know this: all of it is for you. Every struggle, every reflection, every prompt: it’s a roadmap to finding your own power. You are not defined by your past. You are defined by your courage, your persistence, and your choice to keep going.

You are enough. You always were. And now, you have the tools to build a life that proves it to yourself EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!

Reflection prompt: Write a letter to your future self five years from now. Include three things you want to feel, three things you want to accomplish, and a reminder that you chose yourself every day along the way.

If this post brings up distressing feelings, please reach out immediately.
U.S. Crisis Line: Call or text 988 (24/7).
U.K./Ireland (Samaritans): 116 123.
NEDA Helpline (Eating Disorders, U.S.): 1-800-931-2237 or text NEDA to 741741.
International: Visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention to find crisis resources in your country.