Actually, I'm not fine… blog

My last couple series were about the pain, anger and hard work that was involved, I’d like to show recognition and light. This Series consists of thank you’s and gratitude in my life today, currently. Giving you hope that your pain in this world is NEVER permanent.

Part 1:

My partner is healing my child and me.

Sometimes I can’t even believe it, or I don’t allow myself to. Healing always felt like something I had to do alone, something no one else could touch. Yet here he is, holding the broken pieces of me with hands that never asked to carry them, and somehow, he carries them anyway.

I see the little girl inside me reflected in my child. The same anxieties, the same shadows, the same aching pain I once thought I could protect them from. I prayed my love would be enough to erase the darkness in me, that I could build them a world where sadness would never creep in. But love, no matter how fierce, doesn’t erase scars. It doesn’t erase absence. It doesn’t erase the craving for a father’s steady presence.

Yes, there is a biological father, and their bond is theirs alone. But my partner has stepped in with a love that is steady, patient, and whole. He doesn’t hesitate to show up; not for recognition, not for duty, but simply because that is who he is. He is consistent in the moments where I falter. He is gentle when I crumble. He is present when the world feels too loud.

He doesn’t just love me. He heals me. He doesn’t just guide my child. He heals them too. Not with magic or easy answers, but with daily acts of patience, understanding, and quiet strength. He carries the weight of our trauma without ever making us feel like a burden. And in his presence, the wounds we thought would never close begin to stitch together, forming invisible scars that whisper of survival instead of defeat.
We needed him. Not a perfect version of him. Not the idea of him.

Just him, exactly as he is. And in ways I never thought possible, he has become the steady ground beneath our unsteady feet.