Actually, I'm not fine… blog

Category: healing

  • The Weight We Carry… Series – Part 5

    Part 5: My First Marriage: Comfort, Control, and Misalignment My first marriage wasn’t a fairy tale. Looking back, I can see it clearly for what it was: a relationship built more on comfort and control than on connection or true compatibility. At the time, I thought I was making rational choices. I was trying to…

  • The Weight We Carry… Series – Part 4

    Part 4: Relationships Doomed Before They Began Even before I understood the depth of my own trauma, I carried it into every relationship. The lessons from my childhood—the absence of trust, the constant need for control, the fear of being hurt—followed me like shadows. And because I was raised in a world where love was…

  • The Weight We Carry… Series – Part 3

    Part 3: Control, Survival, and the Cost of Independence Growing up in a home where trust was scarce and love was conditional, I learned early that control was the only thing I could count on. If I wanted to feel safe, if I wanted my emotions to matter, if I wanted to survive, I had…

  • The Weight We Carry… Series – Part 2

    Part 2: The Father Who Left and the Lies He Taught Me The absence of a parent leaves a mark, but it’s not just the absence. It’s the way the gaps are filled, often with confusion, fear, and misplaced blame. My father left when I was young, disappearing from the home without explanation. But before…

  • The Weight We Carry… Series – Part 1

    Part 1: Growing up in a Man- Hating Home I grew up in a home where the rules were clear, but the lessons were twisted. My mother was a woman who carried her own anger, her own pain, and it shaped the way she saw men and by extension, the way I was taught to…